Zack Pruitt Is This Year's Kony 2012


Gilbert, Axe, Taco Bell
WHAT VEHICLE WOULD KILL YOU THE FASTEST? is the topic of the latest blog post by the writing staff over at Zackipedia, using the pseudonym Zack Pruitt.

I'd like to illustrate just how short-sighted this "blog post" really is, and how the political machinations behind Zackipedia, as well as being in the pocket of 'Big Grape Nuts' and taking their blood money, have tainted its ethical standards.

Let's start at the beginning... here is a direct quote from the article in question:

On the popular website twitter.com @edsbs poses the following question: "...what vehicle, with no prior experience, would you kill yourself fastest attempting to pilot?" There is only one answer, and I will tell you what it is. But I will first list the other answers that were suggested, and explain why they are wrong.
First off, this wild accusation that there is a user on Twitter going by the handle "[at sign]edsbs" is preposterous. A thorough, yet misspelled Google search brought up no trace of such a person even existing. Grassy knoll, much?

Again, to the article:

Helicopter: A helicopter, like any other flying vehicle, is ludicrous to even consider as an answer. While you would almost assuredly kill yourself trying to pilot a helicopter, it is not the one that would kill you the fastest. It would take you time to figure out how to a) get it off the ground and b) get it high enough off the ground to kill you in a crash, assuming you're strapped in properly.
An elk.
Now, I'm not one to speculate on your abilities, dear reader.  I imagine you're a smart, savvy and capable person -- perhaps even the type of person who's able to pick up on the mechanics required to pilot a little ol' helicopter.

I mean, the toppy things spin around and you have a stick.  C'mon.  It can't be that hard.  I reckon one of my readers could get a chopper off the ground and back down to it faster than one of "Zack Pruitt's" readers any day of the week.

Dragon: Nice try, but a dragon would be disqualified. The question is "what vehicle would you kill yourself fastest attempting to pilot?" A dragon would kill you before you attempt to pilot it. It would kill you without thinking, and it would enjoy it.
Uh, yeah right.  Let's see why you're wrong.  Uh, one: dragon's not disqualified because it wouldn't kill you if you have the proper flame-retardant clothing.  Derrr, two: dragons are incapable of reachin' round to their back and shooing you off.  So, uh, yeah.  Fact check, much!?

Funny Car: Again, nice try. Funny car and those fast motorcycles are out. Even thugh [NIce typo, looser] it's really fat and phallic, it's still a car. You can drive a car. Unless you were trying to kill yourself, this would not be it. And, if you were trying to kill yourself, a regular car or motorcycle would do just as well. But look for help first. Life's worth living.
Uh, newsflash wise guy: some people can't drive!  Durrrr

Blimp: It's a balloon. Come on.

The State Flag of Michigan
Guess someone's in the pocket of "Big Blimp," too?  A quick check to The U.S. Balloon Flight Society's donor list names a Z. A. Pruitt.  Coincidence? Magic Bullet?  I'll take a smoothie, Jackie O.


Submarine: I don't think people understand how vehicles work. They are designed with the idea that the passengers survive. You would not be able to figure out how to use a submarine, and it would be really hard to kill yourself with a submarine.
Unless you're planning on choking on the sandwich, I'm pretty dang sure you're not going to be able to DRIVE ONE AROUND, you dimwit!

Tardis: I can't believe these people who are suggesting these things. A) You could not pilot a TARDIS. B) A TARDIS would actually try to keep you alive. It has a brain and a heart and everything.
What does that stand for? Time for Zack to read up on his science books?  LOL. #powned #tcot


Nnnnyyyyyyeeeooowwwmmmm
Jetpack: Finally, a reasonable answer. Let me tell you why the jet pack is the only answer. A) It is easy to operate. B) It would take roughly 4 seconds, depending on the jet pack, to get you high enough to kill you. C) It shoots out fire, and contains fuel. It's basically a poorly made bomb attached to your back. It's a miracle when it doesn't kill you. D) There's no safety system. Can't emphasize this one enough.

This is sound logic.  I agree.

 --

So, there you have it folks.  Just another clear example of the corruption that infects casual rhetorical questions so prevalent on today's social media.  I think this kind of irresponsible, uneven discussion needs to be show the door.  This garbage is for the birds.

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